Moower Stag Minutes #2
Date:
Venue:
Black Bull Friargate (
Units
of Measure
Standardised
Unit of Time for Meeting is the Pint.
This is
dynamic unit of measure whose duration extends as the evening progresses.
Despite
this, the amount useful information that can be discussed between two pints is
a constant – making it a more useful measure of meeting progress.
Attendees
Markage (arrived @ -1Pt)
Seens (@ 0 pt)
Moower (@ 0.5 pt)
JC (@ 0.5
pt)
Steve Tiley (@ 0.5 pt)
Dutt (@ 0 pt)
Iain
Mitchell (@ 1 pt)
Andrew Moower (@+2 pts)
Punctuality
It was
noted by many that standards of time keeping have declined of late. Committee
members should make every effort arrive on time. (this
does not necessarily reflect the view of the author)
As if to
illustrate that very issue, Cousin of Moower arrived
at +2pts (Excuse: Train Problems ). The committee
agreed that said person be excluded from time-critical activities in the
planning & execution of Stag & Post Stag Events.
It was
reported by Markage that Lizanne
- Stag Bob nominee - has "bottled-out". Speculation as to why
revolved around possible fear of the strict inspection regime (as mandated by
stag regulations)
Another
theory was that she was saving her only Stag appearance for Mr. Proctor's Big
Day. Mumerings of "she'll have a long wait
"etc. etc. were heard.
Review
of Previous Minutes
To bring some
well needed structure back to the meeting, a review of previous minutes was
suggested. '
“Had
anybody brought a copy ?” No - but not even this would
stop us.....
Moower attempted to retrieve the minutes from the deepest recesses
o' t'internet by cellphone.
Markage attempted a recovery of the minutes from memory, but his
mental gymnastics were cut short when Moower
succeeded in extracting the "e-minutes".
A brief
Football Score-Check interlude was proposed – however, Seens
threatened to get out his vinegar-dipped rusty hacksaw blade to pass the time
with some self-amputation – this had the desired effect & the meeting
continued.
Previous Action Status
1. Action of the highest priority – Moower. Choose a Best Man – Apparently
completed, subject to candidate acceptance.
2. Action Markage Re: Stag Bob Lizanne will be invited,
interviewed, inspected, and voted upon – Superceded - See Above
3. Action Moower - List of attendees to be
drawn up – Complete
4. Action Iain to investigate Accomodation Or camping Complete See Location3 & Action All, to think about it – Complete, All thought about it.
5. Action Barlymow – bring notebook – complete, see evidence herein.
6. Action Markage – Investigate Whales – Complete see Marks new Web
Page.
Themes
Themes
were reviewed once more & the following essential factors were established :-
- Hats
- Dressing as Women
- Uniform
- Easy to Make/Low Cost.
Consequently,
the following were discussed:-
Lollipop
Ladies – Lollipops Sticks made with Cardboard Tubes (
Traffic
Wardens – risk of being spat on/beaten/abused – deemed too un-popular with
the “great unwashed”.
French
Maids – Feather dusters, high-pitched French accents, Stockings - Notable potential - …”a goer”
Brides
- this a has a achieved the status of the new “Star Trek” &
was summarily dismissed.
St.
Trinians/Schoolgirls – Hat with Wool Pigtails
attached
Female
Sumo’s – nice
Female
Pilots – white shirt, captains’ epaulettes, potential for many “Carry On…”
lines about Joysticks, Undercarriage, Flaps etc. etc.
Stewardesses
– small cans of coke/tonic water, peanuts (3 per bag), safety cards, life
jackets, short skirts, Orange face paint (Tip: ask the nice ladies in Debenhams cosmetics section where they get theirs), short
skirt - this idea seemed almost too well thought out to be spontaneous – has
somebody done this before in the privacy of their own home/shed ?
The
shortlist drawn from the above was as follows :-
Netball/Hockey players/Trinians
Stewardesses
French Maids
Cheerleader (Ref. Stag Mtg #1)
Action :Seens was actioned
to investigate feasibility & pricing of costumes for the shortlisted themes.
Adjournment for Beers – although
the meeting continued with various ex-committee discussions.
Pete Carmichael
It was
noted that there had been a “No Show” from Carmichael Jnr.
despite specifically requesting a Friday Meeting. A family spokesman refused to
comment on the suggestion that he may made the same mistake again - going to
the Black Bull in Naaarch at
Action JCC to obtain email
address for PC – completed b4 e/o mtg by txt msg.
Location, Location, Location
Essential
factors from Last Meeting – “pubs curry,club”
Markage expressed a preference for
Iain’s
Action from last meeting was fulfilled by the tabling of a Premier Travel Inn
directory – a copy has been retained for future ref. (also see www.premiertravelinn.com) COST £49
PER ROOM PER NIGHT.
It was
noted that both Lancaster
& Harrrogate are covered (although the more easterly of
the two charges an extra £4 – but you get a
At this
point the Meeting was interrupted by some loud Chavvy Birds
one of which had a laugh like a sickly horse.
Settle
was mentioned as a possible location – used previously with some success on Ed
Ridges Stag Event. Believed to have both
Bunk-house & Curry House (Club count unknown)
Action: Seens to look at Settle as a potential location.
IT
redundancy was achieved at this point with multiple phones achieving connection
to www.seens.org - the paperless Stag meeting is almost
here.
Dates
6th August is
Out due to
Potential Hen-Do (Point of Order: Surely
this is a case of Cart before Horse) – How can there be a Hen Do if the Bride
has not been selected/approved by the committee)
It was also
noted that Dutt had offered Free Beer to all on this very
night (on account of his Birthday) & that it would have been unreasonable
for the Committee to insist on him footing the bill for the typical excesses of
a Stag Do.
13th
August – Current Favourite (Odds 2-1)
30th
July
19th August Out due to V05/Head & Shoulders.
Action: To be considered
by all.
Stag & Post Stag Event Etiquette
The
subject of stag etiquette was raised by Stag Moower in
relation to whether it is “bad form” for Stag Attendees to be omitted from the
Post Stag Event Guest List.
It was
agreed by all that this was entirely acceptable & in fact good practice –
there will definitely be people you don’t want at the wedding after seeing
their behaviour at the Stag Event.
Post Stag Event
The Proposed date is
the 17th September
To Dress or not to Dress ?
Stag Moower
wanted it writ that all invitees are welcome on the Stag Event whether
partaking in the Costume or not.
This
concession was granted by the Committee despite concerns from the fundamentalist
elements – witnessing
the spectacle may encourage them to dress properly on future events.
Invitees
are asked to declare their intentions on this matter at the earliest
opportunity to allow bulk purchases of material, false tits etc.
The Bride
As minuted in the previous meeting, the nominee, Lisa Lee was
to be assessed by the committee – such an opportunity presented itself during
the meeting but said nominee refused the committee request to be assessed. This
matter will be raised at the next sitting.
DONM
Markage will endeavour to attend the meeting on
For the
rest of us non Time-Lords it will be 6th
May, Ate a clock in the Black Bull. JCC suggested that this should be a phone-free
meeting.
AOB
Various
current affairs & utter bollocks were discussed at this juncture
1) Whales are not feasible as a
location for the Stag Event due to the indeterminate position & no club.
2) The new pope Benedict XVIVXXVI was a
member of the Hitler Youth & his real name is Herr Lipp.
3) Seens requested the minutes in HTML (PMN -
done)
4) A vote on the role of permanent Stag
Secretary was conducted – but somebody coughed loudly & I missed the
result.
The meeting was closed at 3.5pints
Post Meeting Notes
1)
The Best Mens have been nominated & have
accepted there Rolls. Messrs. Forshaw & Senior will share equal
responsibility.
2) Further to his new position Mr
Forshaw BM has nobly agreed to partake of costume on the Stag Event.
3) Markage was revealed to be an avid Corry
fan & offered the following news :-
“The
Gay Bloke Starts his new job at the Bingo tonight”
“Theres a Gruesome Discovery at Tommys
Grave”
4)
Markage – mentioned that ex-BAE man, Rob Lancaster now works at Sea
World & may be in a suitable position (?) to obtain example pictures of
Cheerleaders & bikini clad women feeding fish (for Stag Costume research) &
naked dolphins. Action
Markage
5) Dutt & Markage
were seen buying Girls Measures – it transpired that the Girly ½ Pint was for Seens.
6) SGT offered to investigate Womens Uniforms & Fetish Clothing (for personal use ?)